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The Best of the Menace

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A ten hour bus ride to Pontiac, Mich., could be pretty boring...

Not for the Des Moines Menace. Give the guys a voting ballot and you’ve got at least two hours of entertainment.
 
Coaches Laurie Calloway and Neathan Gibson even put in their two cents and voted. The votes were tallied and Menace goalkeeper Jhojan Obando hosted the results show to break up the monotony of Interstate 80.
 
The team bled red, black and white all summer, but now their true colors come out. Here’s your inside scoop to the Des Moines Menace.
 
Question 1: Most likely to be a U.S. President: David Parato
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We hold these truths to be self-evident, evident that David Parato won the Des Moines Menace election. “It’s a great honor. Together we can make a difference. The change starts now,” noted Parato in his acceptance speech. This Drake University accounting major is ready to take-on the Menace’s foreign affairs and push his soccer agenda. Sorry Brady Blankenship (runner-up), a re-count of the votes was not necessary.
 
Question 2: Funniest: David Parato
He didn’t have a joke during the bus ride, but the guys certainly think he’s Mr. Congeniality.
 
Question 3: Noisiest Sleeper: Alexis Dominguez
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You know you’re noisy when you could be heard snoring across the bus. The guys that sit next to him always carry their i-Pods.
 
Question 4: Person you would want with you in a dark alley: Francis Otira
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Despite his feminine thank you speech, having a 6’3”, 200 pounds guy on your side is never a bad thing.
 
Question 5: Best singer/musician: Tommy Moon
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He’s known to belt out a Katy Perry lyric or two, so good that Tommy Moon received 18 votes for best singer/musician. So good Jace Peters even called him the “song bird of our generation.” Doubt the guys’ choice? Check it out on our YouTube Channel DSMenace Soccer. Mr. Moon, don’t put your money where your mouth is, but that’s what you get for waking up in Canada.
 
Question 6: Worst driver: Coady Andrews
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When Coady Andrews is driving, stay off the road! Or should we say sidewalks? Luckily for the guys, they don’t have to drive outside of Des Moines. Don’t look for Andrews to be behind the wheel of one of the Menace’s travel buses anytime soon.
 
Question 7: Best player/most likely to play professionally: Lebogang Moloto
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Six goals, one assist in twelve games says it all. Oh, and he’s only 18 years-old. Moloto’s one to keep your eye on for years to come, especially as the collegiate fall season approaches.          
 
Question 8: Biggest ladies’ man: Anthony Colaizzi
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Is it his infectious smile, lustrous hair or ripped body covered with tattoos? Ladies, you decide! Anthony Colaizzi took Des Moines by storm and captured the heart of female Menace fans.
 
Question 9: Most dramatic: Jubril Lawal
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Lawal may appear quiet and shy off the field, but on the field, fans saw this “drama queen” flailing his arms and flopping around on the turf.
           
Question 10: Best hair: Diego Marroquin
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That show-stopping fro catches everybody’s eye, including his teammates'. Surprisingly, Marroquin let teammate Anthony Colaizzi buzz it all off after the season ended. Check out Marroquin’s player spotlight to learn about his special hair regime when he had his fro.
 
Question 11 (a team write-in question on ballot): Most psycho: Coady Andrews
According to Dictionary.com, a psycho is a person with antisocial behavior, lacks personal relationships and fails to learn from experience. Perhaps this is what the guys were thinking when they added this question to the ballot? Sorry Coady Andrews.

Story written by Menace interns Jenae Jenison and BJ Stokesbary.


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